Friendship Rule #786
By Renata
I hate the beach. Like, really really hate the beach. It’s the sand, the noise, allllllll the people. Its probably rooted in some mild sensory disorder, but I am a mountains and cabin girl way before I am a sun and sand girl. I grew up while my father was serving in the U.S. Air Force, and for a good portion of my childhood we were stationed in California and Las Vegas, Nevada. We went to the beach often and I probably even had a good time. My distain for the sandy landscape could also easily be a product of exposure. I went a lot. It never was a novelty to me, unlike my husband, who had never been until we were 21 out visiting friends in California. He was like a kid in a theme park on his first ever trip to the beach. He would wade out, body surf for hours, then come out of the water after drifting a mile down the coast and have to jog back up the beach to us just to jump in a do it again. I like seeing people experience firsts, perhaps that’s what kept me going that day.
So, imagine my joy when planning a girl’s trip with the Squad when everyone wanted to go to the beach. ‘Florida?’ I wondered, aloud. ‘You don’t love the beach, Renata. What do you think?’, one of them asked. ‘Oh yeah, well we can keep thinking’, one of the others remarked. ‘no, no, lets go. I’ll be good. It will be fun.’ I smiled, and off we went (actually, off Heather went – she’s the one who does all the work, the rest of us just show up) planning a trip to Florida.
This is what brings me to friendship rule number 786. It’s a very important, highly researched, technical rule. Are you ready for it? “Don’t be the wet noodle.” Don’t drag everyone down with your inability to push yourself. Surround yourself with people who will gently push you out of your comfort zone. See the above exchange? No one badgered me or begged me, but they also were not afraid to tell me what they wanted. These are amazing friends who really care about me. If I had said ‘no guys, I can’t do it’ – they would have moved on to another option, and no one would have made me feel badly about it.
That said, I can be a fear focused person often. I come upon a challenge and I automatically think ‘naw, this isn’t that important to me”, and walk away. I grew up with an Olympic sized diving pool at our community pool, with the 10m dive. When I was young I would climb up that thing, albeit shaking, and jump. But, somewhere along the way, I became the girl that climbed halfway up, started shaking, and climbed back down. The opposite is true for most of the other girls. They are challenged and they must meet the challenge. We went hiking in Zion last fall and we decided to check out these amazing sand caves. We hiked out a bit to get to them and at the moment that we could see the caves, I am completely assaulted with the sight of a 200-foot rock shear we would have to scale to get up to the caves. I timidly walked up to the rock and observed how easily people seemed to be moving up the shear. There were 17-year-olds in Vans sneakers doing it, surely I could. I walked closer. It was so steep. I started to shake. It felt like it was going straight up. I was going to die today; I just knew it. I would, of course, be the one to slip on the rock and tumble to my untimely death. If anyone ever would here, it would be me.
‘You can totally do this’ Heather encouraged. ‘Yeah, if we have to crawl, we will crawl.’ Sarah S continued. Sarah N and Sara C were nearly up the rock formation by now. I didn’t want to be the girl at the bottom of the rock shear while the rest of them made memories. So, I tried. I probably did crawl for a bit. It all looked so slippery. But I got up it, with my friends by my side puffing me up the whole way. The victory did something good for my soul. Guess what? Those caves? They were so worth it. They were incredible. Gorgeous. Somehow cool in the heat of the sun, sand covering the floor (don’t worry, I got through it), with almost pink walls. It was something I will never forget seeing. If I had leaned into my natural aversion to hard, scary, and high things, I wouldn’t have gotten that experience, and I would have robbed my friends of the opportunity to watch me grow.
You see, healthy friendships are about growth, about spurring each other forward and not allowing complacency. I tell my kids often that comfort is the enemy of growth, so lets not get too comfortable. Whether its going to the beach to let your friends have that experience (and learning you like the beaches on the gulf way more than the west coast) or choosing to follow your friends up the scary rock shear for the experience, getting out of our comfort zones is good for us. You will find you are capable of more than you think you are. You will find things you enjoy that you never knew you would. You will see you and sparkle in your friends’ eyes as they see things with you for the first time. I’ll never forget Zion and seeing that with my girls. I have always loved that landscape, how it is almost painted. God had some fun creating that amazing space. I’m so glad I got to see it while making memories with my Squad. So, here’s the lesson today, friends. Don’t be the wet noodle. Push yourself. Surround yourself with people who make you better, not worse, and don’t be scared to do the hard things. You might end up making an incredible memory or having the most fun at the beach as you ever have.
