Why Nurturing Relationships
Heather
Why Nurturing Relationships:
I come from a very big, very blended, very loving and loyal family. Family function are more like festivals and you need an excel spreadsheet to coordinate everyone’s schedules. Because of my family, relationships have always been very important to me. From family to friendships to my career choice, I have sought to learn what it takes to have healthy nurturing relationships and I hope to share tips and tricks with you. Below are a few ways I have learned about the importance of having relationships and how it shaped me into the person I am today.
Parents:
My mother was the first person to teach me about relationships. She always made time to listen to her kids and parented with compassion and empathy. She made life fun and spent quality time with her children often. She also had close friendships while I was growing up. She did silly things with her friends and did not take life too seriously. She taught me that friendship is critical to surviving motherhood and adulthood.
My father showed me love and affection and taught me that girls can fix toilets, change tires, and shoot a gun. He taught me that my most important relationship in life is with God and encouraged me to serve in my church. He also had an excellent way of teaching me to have a good relationship with myself. I know that sounds weird but in order to have healthy relationships with others you must first have a healthy relationship with yourself. You must have self-respect, trust your gut and strive to have a kind inner voice.
Siblings:
My siblings also enhanced my ability to navigate relationships. I was the youngest of 4 and the only girl. Yikes, I know. I had to learn quickly how to deal with conflict, boundary issues, protective older brothers and having best friends who often used to me to get closer to my brothers. Never really knowing if a friend was really there for you or for you cute older brothers was hard. But it helped me to spot fake friends and fake people – skills I still use to this day.
Sorrows:
Sorrows have also helped me understand the importance of relationships. At age 13 I lost my oldest brother to cancer after a long battle. He was only 18 years old. Sibling relationships are your longest relationships you will have in life, for that to be cut short was gut wrenching. Grief is hard and it comes in waves. Losing my brother was one of the hardest moments of my life. Through that loss I learned to nurture my other relationships more closely because life is temporary.
Sorrow number two came in the form a divorce. My parents decided to end their marriage after my brother died. They had been married 23 years. Losing a child is devastating to a marriage – I cannot think of anything more difficult. My parents are both amazing people but GRIEF…GRIEF IS SO HARD. Relationships often do not survive grief of this magnitude. Grief either pushes you closer together or drives a wedge between two people.
After all that, I have learned that relationships are not easy – in fact they take a lot of work. No one falls into a healthy relationship, you have to build it, grow it and nurture it.
Career
In my late teens I became a part of a blended family. I gained a step mom, step sister, step brother and a half-brother. My already big family grew by a few more. Blended families can be tricky and I found myself in counseling to figure it all out. My teenage angst caused me to have blinders on to how lucky I was to have so many people in my life who cared for me. My counselor helped me see my mental health needed to be a priority and she helped me learn to navigate being in a blended family.
This time spent with my counselor helped me to discover my path in life and ultimately led me into my career as a counselor. I now get the privilege to help other people pursue healthy relationships of all kinds. I love watching broken relationships repaired and families mended in my practice.
As people, we are designed to desire relationships. We encounter all types of relationships throughout our life. Our earliest relationships are with our parents and siblings and those leave a lasting impact on our lives. That impact can be positive or negative. As we move onto friendships, dating, marriage and parenting we have to know what healthy relationships look like and how to nurture them. Different relationships have to be nurtured in different ways. I hope that through this blog you will learn how to nurture your relationships.
All Relationships either push you to be better or hold you back from your best. You get to choose which type of relationship you allow in your life.
