Do you have amazing friends?
Chances are you have encountered some difficult times in your life. Maybe you still are. A job loss that has you wondering how you are going to pay the bills. A medical emergency that rocks your foundation. A child’s diagnosis that forces you to change your lifestyle. An unexpected house repair. A broken vehicle. A chronic illness flare-up. Family drama. A change of plans. Depression. A fork in the road.
Whatever circumstance you might currently find yourself in, no doubt, having a friend to walk beside you can help. You don’t get to choose your battles, so choosing your friends wisely can be a huge help in times of need.
What does it mean to choose your friends wisely?
Find friends that hold you up when you are in battle.
As you walk through life, you will have battles that you choose to fight, you’ve prepared for them and you feel ready to take them on. Then, there are those battles that you didn’t choose and now you find yourself in a place you don’t want to be and would have never chosen to fight through. Find friends that will stand beside you and support you. Find friends that will get in the messy areas with you. Find friends who choose to stay close. Find friends that hold you up when you can’t stand anymore.
Find friends that will help you carry your burdens.
If you are anything like a woman, then you are juggling multiple things at once. I’m not sure how we manage to keep it all straight, probably because I truly believe every woman is Superwoman! It’s taken me a while to learn, but I can’t possibly do everything on my own. (Shocking, I know!) There are times that I need help and you do too. That’s okay. It’s okay to ask for help. That is what great friendships are made for.
Maybe you need someone to watch your kids for a few hours. Maybe you need groceries picked up. Maybe you need financial help, a ride to work because your car isn’t working, to borrow a cup of sugar, a place to shower because you have no water, dinner because you just don’t have the energy. I have experienced all of these and I can tell you the relief that comes from a friend saying, “I’ve got you.” “I can help you with that.” “Let me do that for you.” My favorite memory is getting a text from a friend saying, “I left a diet coke on your front porch. I know you’ve been going through a lot. I love you and I’m here.”
Find friends that will stay close during the messy/scary parts of life.
A death in the family
An illness
A miscarriage
A job loss
Financial ruin
An unexpected tragedy
A crisis of faith
Everyone has battles they are fighting. Some people like to be open and share every step of the way and some are fighting battles they have never told to anyone. When our closest friends are fighting a battle, it can break our hearts, move us to action or scare us to silence. We feel inadequate when we don’t have the answers. We want to help, but don’t know how or we have a hard time supporting a friend who’s battle hits a little too close to home.
Friends that will sit with you, literally just sit with you as you cry.
Friends that send a note of encouragement.
Friends that send a grocery gift card.
Friends that text a verse and, of course, it’s the exact one you need.
Friends that don’t stop showing up, even when the path you are on is rough.
Those are the friends you want and you need.
Find friends that call you out when you mess up.
Listen, life is messy.
Friendships are hard.
People will fail you.
You won’t always agree.
You might even get upset at something a friend says or does
They aren’t perfect and neither are you (sorry to tell you).
But, if you don’t speak up and tell them what they said hurt you or that what they did wasn’t helpful, how will you ever grow a friendship into one that understands your exact needs and wants in certain situations. How I like to be comforted is not the same as my friends and I try to be sensitive to that when reaching out to provide that comfort and support.
Find friends that won’t let you stay in your darkness.
“I’m fine, everything is fine.”
“It’s all good.”
“It’s not your problem.”
“No, I don’t need help.”
“Don’t trouble yourself.”
“I’ll figure it out.”
These are lies. And if you tell me they aren’t, you’re a liar. Ha! Our natural reaction when someone asks us, “How are you?” is to say, “I’m fine.” I don’t know if we don’t want to trouble people or maybe what we are feeling is too much to put into words at the moment. Think about when someone you love and trust asks you “Do you need anything?” You probably respond with, “No, but…..” I am amazed that even when I know what a friend needs and they share, the first word I usually hear is “no.”
Don’t let your friends stay in a no state when you clearly can see they need something. I’m not saying you pick and pry when they aren’t ready to share, but you know when your friend is denying their feelings or trying to keep from making you sad or upset too.
What I’ve seen happen in my squad is genuine care and concern for the friend, so much so that we will literally stop whatever we are doing and give the time, space and energy for the friend to take the time to collect herself, process her thoughts and share when she is ready. This might be a minute, 5 minutes or a half hour, but I promise you there is nothing more freeing than knowing that these people around you won’t let you stay in your darkness or fear. They love you too much to allow you to carry that with you any more.
What an amazing blessing to have a friend or friends like this. They are worth fighting for. They are worth your time and energy. They will make you better. They will support you. They will comfort you. They will be there for you. They love you.
Be a friend like that.
