By, Sarah N.
Have you ever read the story of Job in the Bible? It’s the story of a good man, who loved God, but lost everything when God allowed Satan to torment him. He lost his great wealth and possessions, his servants, his children, and even his own health. To say he was miserable would be an understatement. He begged for death, cried, complained, and questioned what he had done to deserve this, though he knew that he had truly done nothing to cause these tragedies.
Job sat in literal ashes and dust, with torn clothing and sores covering his entire body, unable to make himself eat or sleep. He was desperate for relief.
Then came his three friends. Finally, some support in that dark valley! When they arrived, his friends did exactly what Job needed. Here are four helpful things these friends did for Job once they heard of his misfortune, taken from Job 2:11-13.
Job’s friends:
- made it a priority to come together and show him sympathy and comfort him (11)
- wept with him (12)
- sat with him on the ground for seven days and seven nights in silence (13)
- saw how great his suffering really was (13)
Job’s three friends left their own lives and made it a priority to come see Job. When they arrived, they met him where he was- rock bottom- and just sat with him, cried with him, and comforted him with their presence. They truly saw Job as he was, validating Job’s feelings. How commendable!
But then…
Just as we are tempted to try to “fix” things when our friends are troubled, Job’s friends began to offer up their advice in long, wordy speeches. They started out somewhat gentle at first, but it did not take long until they had essentially turned on Job, adding to his already unbearable misery.
Here’s four things Job’s friends did wrong; things we should be careful not to do when we find ourselves in similar situations:
Cliche sentiments: Job’s friends started throwing out cliches like, “Just trust in God”(4:6) and “God never makes mistakes”(8:3). While these things may be true in principle, they are not helpful or comforting to one who is buried under the torment of loss and suffering.
False Promises: Then, they tried to comfort Job with false statements, meant to sound good. “Bad things never happen to good people.”(4:7) “Just seek God, live a good life, and He will restore everything you lost.” (8:5-6) These promises are not only empty, they are outright false, and contradict what even Jesus, Himself, said to His disciples, “…in the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) In Matthew 5, Jesus says that His followers should be glad when they face persecution because their reward is great in heaven. There is no mention of earthly rewards.
Impatient Remarks: Job’s friends seemed to think that once they began to speak, that Job should snap out of his grief and start acting “normal” again (after only 7 days, I might add). “How long will you say these things?” (8:2) They expected their pious words to make Job realize that his seemingly endless lamenting was not doing any good.
Selfish Attacks: When Job rightly rejected their advice, his friends became insulted and their words turned violent. They said hurtful things like, “Well your children were probably bad people and deserved to die” (8:4, paraphrased). Over and over again they emphasized that surely Job had some hidden sin that had prompted the Lord to “discipline” him, “It’s actually a blessing to be disciplined by God.” (5:17) “You probably deserve even worse than you got!” (11:6) They made themselves the victims. “You must think we are stupid!” (18:2-3) “You’ve offended me, so now I have to say more…” (20:3) They accuse him of being selfish (22:7-11) and greedy (22:24).
After all of this, Job was even more distraught. He counted on his friends to help him, but in the end, their wrong beliefs about God did more damage than good.
What Job really needed was a right view of God. After Job’s friends finished berating him, God spoke to Job from a mighty whirlwind. God’s first speech told of His great power to create the world and rule over nature. Job’s response was a realization of his own smallness compared to God’s greatness. But that wasn’t quite enough. God spoke again, proving His sovereignty and might even more. Finally, Job realized that before, it was as though he had merely heard of God, but now he saw God. Seeing God led Job to repent of his previously wrong view of God; a view that was too small and dimmed by self absorption. Repentance led to restoration; not only the spiritual restoration between God and Job, but also the restoration of Job’s relationship with his friends (through their own spiritual restoration), and ultimately the physical restoration of Job’s health, family, and belongings.
At some point in our lives, we are certain to witness a friend experience tragedy and grief. In our eagerness to help our loved one feel “better,” we must direct their eyes to the right view of God with all gentleness and love. We can best do this when we, ourselves, have the right view of God. Like Job, we can meet God, not in a powerful breath of wind, but in the powerful, God breathed Scripture.
We can be the kind of companion that our suffering friends truly need, as long as we know that the best friends are the ones who point us upward, towards the True and Better Friend.
