Sarah N.
In my last blog post, I shared a ton of really interesting ways that friendship affects our physical, mental, and emotional health. If you haven’t read that yet, please go check it out here.
In this post, I want to get a little more personal and share why I feel the need for close friendships. Really, this is more like a post about why my friendships are so valuable to me, and why I know that the lies I told myself about being independent and not needing close friends, were exactly that– lies.
I do want to first say that my only true dependency is on God. I know that my friends, as wonderful as they may be, can’t supply all my needs. My satisfaction and sustenance are found in the Lord. However, I have come to recognize how God has placed these women (my squad, and others whom I love) in my life for very specific, important reasons. They ARE evidence of God’s love and provision in my life. God said it was “not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18) so He provided Eve (as a mate, yes, but really as a companion and helper). God gave Jonathon to David, and Silas and Barnabas to Paul. Sometimes friends are the way God sustains us.
Ok, so first, my friends are fun. It doesn’t matter if we are on a planned girls’ trip adventure, sitting in one of our living rooms drinking coffee, or talking on facetime from different states, I always, truly, 100% enjoy spending time with them.
And it’s not that kind of “put on a fake smile and have some fun, but don’t get too relaxed or they’ll judge you” type of thing. It’s a “come as you are, feel free to cry, cuss, or stuff your face with cake” type of thing.
My friends are my safe place.
They won’t judge me for being human, but they will call me out for being a sinner.
They accept all my flaws, but also build me up to be better.
They offer advice I can trust, but only after they’ve listened to me and sympathized with me.
They have differing viewpoints, but all come from a place of love and trust.
They don’t worry about offending me when I need to hear something important, but they never try to hurt me to prove their point.
They forgive me when I apologize, and they never try to get even.
They pray for me. They don’t gossip about me.
They know me- the REAL me. And they’re still here! They share their REAL selves back with me.
They show up for me consistently. I will never have to wonder if they’ve got my back.
They’re patient with me, but also push me when I need to be pushed. They know when to push because they know me. They’re not afraid to push me, because they love me.
I know they love me because they’ve cried with me. They’ve prayed with me. They held my hands when my heart was breaking. They’ve sacrificed their time, money, and plans for me.
My heart feels at home with theirs. We have bonds built by time, strengthened by hardships, and connected by love.
We share inside jokes, treasures of “you had to be there” moments.
We are honored to preserve secrets and nurture wounds.
We rejoice not only with each other, but for each other. I can believe it when my friends say they’re happy for me. I know there is no jealousy or resentment clouded in their praise.
They challenge me.
They encourage me.
They give me thoughtful gifts (my love language).
They reach out to me when I withdraw.
They love my kids.
They know my favorite colors.
They know my insecurities.
They know fears.
They know me and still they love me.
To be known and to be loved- this is why I need friends. I was created by God to be known by Him and loved by Him. My friends show me God’s love by knowing and loving me, just as He does.
If I continued telling myself the lies of “independence” and “self sufficiency,” I would be missing out on some of God’s greatest blessings in my life.
And my need for friendship isn’t just about what they can do for me. It’s important to me that they also need me. I try my best to be all of this and more to my friends.
Deep friendships are an intentional decision, a conscious effort, and an everyday commitment. It can feel like hard work at times, but soon enough, the “work” becomes a treasured journey. It’s a road that you walk together, up hills, down valleys, pushing, pulling, sweating, crying, holding hands, encouraging, rejoicing, knowing, and loving. The walk you take together actually turns out to be the destination.
So, do we really need friends? I’d like to hear what you think.
