Friendship during COVID
By Sarah N.
What a year 2020 was! Nothing went as expected and so many people experienced so much stress, change, and loss. Plans were postponed, outings put off, and fun times pushed back. And while things do seem to be getting back to some kind of “normal” recently, it’s still not like pre-COVID times. Many people still feel cut off from the world and their friends and family. I think we all know that it can still be really discouraging when you’re trying to keep up with your friends but you can’t even see them!
I think COVID hit us all hard in different ways and at different times. It took longer for my introverted, homebody self to realize how lonely I actually was. And even though I was in a fairly constant group message with my friends, it definitely wasn’t the same as our typical girls’ nights and impromptu visits. I noticed that COVID was affecting me more than just by the threat of getting sick. I felt like my friends were so far away (even farther than the state lines that separated us geographically). Here are some ways that that separation affected me:
Boredom
I was bored! Now, I love any excuse to stay home, and I do love my family, but always staying at home, and always with my family…that was getting old. I desperately wanted to text one or all of my girls and ask if they wanted to meet me for coffee, or go check out the kids museum with our children. But we LITERALLY could not do that! None of those places were open, much less someplace we wanted to be if we were being serious (and cautious).
Disappointment
Not only was I bored not being able to get out and see my friends, but I experienced some serious disappointment. We had to cancel so many plans. We canceled short visits and small outings, but we also canceled our yearly girls’ trip. We lost some money on that decision, lost our time together, and lost potential memories. It was a sad but necessary decision that led to even more feelings of loneliness.
Isolation
Just weeks before COVID hit America, my family moved from Oklahoma to Texas, thus leaving behind our family and friends just in time to be quarantined for months on end. Not only was I far away from my best friends, but I was also in a tough position to make new friends. It felt like the world I knew was moving farther and farther away from me and there was nothing I could do about it; like I was on an iceberg floating out to sea. I had lost control of my circumstances and felt very alone in the mess that followed.
Depression
I’m not going to say that the sole reason for any depression I’ve experienced over this past year has come only from missing my friends. That would certainly not be true. However, I can definitely say that without the readily available, in-person support of my friends, depression was a bigger struggle for me than it may have been otherwise. While being so isolated from friends and family, it was harder for any of them to notice the struggle I was having.
If you are struggling with loneliness, depression, or anything else, please reach out to a friend, family member, licensed counselor, or even one of the squad. We’d be so happy to try to be there for you and offer support and suggestions if you’re having a hard time.
So now let’s talk about some of the ways that my friends and I have managed to stay in touch, maintain our relationships, and actually grow as friends while we couldn’t actually be together in person:
Social Media
Social media definitely has its positive and negative sides, but for our friendship, it played a huge role in keeping us in touch. We sent monthly prayer requests through Facebook Messenger, and plenty of funny memes. We tagged each other on Instagram giveaways. We planned zoom meetings on nights we could all arrange to be available. My 4 friends and I have constant streams of communication as a group, and even as individuals within the group. One of our favorite ways to video chat is with Facebook Messenger.
Marco Polo
Yes, I know that Marco Polo (MP) is technically social media, but it deserves its own section here! Heather was the first to use MP, then I joined, then we were able to talk the other 3 into participating. At first we were reluctant, but after a short time, it became our primary form of communication. If you aren’t familiar with the app, it allows users to send short video messages to each other, like texts in video form. MP has allowed us to not only talk to each other, but we actually feel like we are in each others’ lives more than ever. We can see each other’s facial expressions, hear the tones of voice, and actually show everyone things we are talking about. We have separate conversations for general conversations, Bible reading discussion, and even for chatting about shows we have watched “together.”
Entertainment
Speaking of watching shows “together,” our group enjoys finding something on Netflix, etc. and then discussing it together. Sometimes we daydream about which character we would be or we rant about how ridiculous some other character is. We also enjoy listening to podcasts (true crime especially) and recounting the stories (or warning each other how to stay safe since we know all the bad guy’s tricks now). We are constantly recommending shows, podcasts, books, and products to each other. Having common interests that we can talk about together helps us feel less isolated from each other.
Virtual Craft Nights
This is something we started recently and have enjoyed so much! We schedule a zoom meeting, set up our computers so we can see each other and still use our hands for creating, and then all attempt to make the same crafts together from our own homes. So far, we have made Christmas ornaments and candles! We plan it ahead of time so we know what supplies we need and then we have fun talking and creating together. Something like candle making is an outing we would normally try to do at a local shop, but with COVID’s restrictions, we decided we could just do it ourselves at home, and it’s been rewarding in so many ways. If you and your friends aren’t the crafting types, maybe you can try making a new recipe, discussing a book, or even working out together.
Go Out Anyways, Responsibly
So, sometimes virtual relationships just don’t quite cut it and you have to go ahead and plan that visit anyways. I have visited my friends a few times, after we got a little more used to life during COVID. We do our best to be safe and responsible, but also realize that we still want to live our lives, at least to some extent. We did end up rescheduling our annual girls’ trip for later in the year, and we PRAYED that nothing would come up to make us have to cancel it again. This trip turned out to be one of the best trips we’ve ever done and I’m so glad we decided to go ahead and go for it. We adapted our plans so that we would spend most of our time outdoors and not too close to crowds. Everything turned out GREAT, and for that we are thankful!
If we’ve learned anything about friendship during the time of COVID, it’s that we don’t have to physically be with each other to be there for each other. In fact, I believe our friendship has grown during this time because we have had to find new ways to connect. We’ve proven to ourselves that we all matter to each other enough to actually change and adapt our lives for each other. We are intentional about communication and we schedule times to meet as a group, virtually or safely in person. Just because we can’t be spontaneous, doesn’t mean our friendship suffers. In fact, we learned that our already solid friendship actually grew and deepened with the intentionality that COVID forced upon us.
I believe we’ve learned more about one another and grown closer in the last year than any other year so far! Being intentional about our time together, making the effort, and getting creative are all positive things that we are taking away from a negative time. We’ve all learned to be better friends to each other as well as to new friends. Distance and a worldwide pandemic have nothing on healthy, intentional relationships!
