Squad Blog

Invisible WorkLoad (A woman’s mental load)

By: Heather

The term “invisible workload” refers to tasks you have on your list of things to do, that no one else is responsible for, but you get very little praise for doing. In addition, if you stopped doing those tasks your family would definitely notice and things would fall through the cracks.

Everyone has an invisible workload, but women tend to have more than men do. Do you need me to prove it? Let me ask you a few questions so you can evaluate how much of an invisible work load you have. Do you get asked these questions on a regular basis or think about them regularly?

1. What’s for dinner?
2. Did you pack my lunch?
3. Where are my shoes?
4. Is my swimsuit clean?
5. Did you get the teacher appreciation gifts?
6. Did you volunteer in my homeroom?
7. Did you buy a gift for the birthday party on Saturday?
8. The school called and …( The point is, YOU are the point of contact for all mishaps at school)
9. Did you pick up the dry cleaning?
10. Did you pick up my medications?
11. Did you order groceries?
12. Did you meal plan?
13. When going on vacation   – have you packed everyone’s suit cases, did the laundry, planned the activities and found everyone a place to stay?
14. Christmas is coming…have you decorated the house, put up the tree, made the cookies, purchased all the gifts, wrapped the gifts for everyone including the 7 Christmas parties you have coming up and planned the big Christmas meal?
15. Your child’s birthday is coming up have you created invites, planned the party, games and favors? Have you booked a birthday location, found a cake, bought the perfect birthday gift and smiled through it all?

THE LIST OF QUESTIONS COULD GO ON AND ON….

If you can relate to any or all of the above…that is your invisible work load. It’s activities and tasks that you are expected to do while still holding down a job and keeping your mental health, physical health and own personal problems in order.

Invisible workloads are never ending for most women. We have so many things we are planning for and preparing for while still holding down a job. We are good at multitasking, but this often leads to high stress levels, anxiety, burn out and frustration. This is why it’s important to manage your invisible workload well so that you do not get overwhelmed.

The world has figured this out and has come up with several things that make this invisible workload a little easier but also still requires good organizational skills on your part. There are now apps that can coordinate your calendars and help you keep track of birthdays. There is grocery pick-ups or you can even get groceries delivered to your house. Amazon Prime has been a game changer and has allowed many people to shop from home. Even with all these modern conveniences we still need to be aware of the amount of time we are spending on our invisible workload and try to manage task in a more organized manner. Here are some helpful tips to manage your invisible workload.

1. Ask for help – delegate

A great support system will help a person overcome some of the hardest things in life. As a therapist, I am always checking with people about their support systems and if they are utilizing them. What I find is that a lot of people are not tapping into the support they have around them and they are trying to do everything on their own. Find parts of your invisible workload that you can give to someone else. That might mean starting a chore list, teaching the kids to cook so they can take over cooking and meal planning a couple of nights a week. It might mean asking your partner to be the point of contact for the school instead of you. Write down your tasks and see how and to who you can delegate to. It might mean more work at first but it will pay off in the long run.

2. Learn to say no and set boundaries.

Don’t allow people to steal your time. Only say yes to things you really want to do or have time for. Learning to say no can be a game changer. Learning to say no WITHOUT GUILT can be a life saver. Work hard at keeping your calendar and responsibilities manageable and then say no to other things BEFORE you find yourself stressed out. The key to setting boundaries is to be very clear with people what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do and then hold that line. Enforce your boundaries and don’t allow people to trample them.

3. Use modern technology to assist in organizing your tasks

Just like it takes a village to raise children, it also takes a village to do all the tasks we have to complete in a day. Download apps that help keep you organized and keep everyone on the same calendar like, TimeTree: Shared Calendar. Utilize Siri in your iPhone to remind you of things you need to do later. I can’t tell you how many times a day I say, “Hey Siri, remind me tonight at 5pm to _____________” you fill in the blank. At the designated time my phone will show me a reminder of things I need to do. This helps me keep track of my to do list. Utilize Amazon Prime for birthday and Christmas shopping. Order your groceries on Walmart or Target apps. Or order  with Instacart and you can have them delivered to your home. Work smarter not harder.

4. Teach small children responsibility for their own tasks and household chores.

As a parent, our job is to work ourselves out of a job. Teach your children to do their laundry, wash dishes, clean bathrooms etc. Once they know how to do it…pull back and let them do it. Even if it’s not done the way you would do it. Giving up some control is important in minimizing your invisible workload. Kids should have chores starting early in life. Two- and three-year-old’s are able to pick up toys. Just keep teaching them how to do things as they grow and develop and eventually they will know how to do it all and it will be off your plate and they will be healthy, functioning members of society.

5. Take some time away for yourself to recharge.

It’s ok to say, “I need a break”. Plan times each week to do things by yourself even if its only a few minutes. For Mother’s Day or your birthday, ask for a night away by yourself in a hotel where you can lay around and order room service.  Go for a drive to listen to your favorite music and clear your head. Maybe you schedule a girl’s night out with friends. Do whatever it takes to have a break from all your responsibilities. Taking breaks will make you better at your job and improve your mental health.

Manage your life, organize your life and balance your life. Doing these things now will set you up for a successful future and your future self will thank you!