Our Story
Written by: The Squad
Heather:
How do 5 friends meet and decide their friendship will overcome all obstacles? How do 5 very different people make it through conflict, sadness and joy? This is the story of how 5 women met and learned to support each other and love each other through miscarriage, infertility, illness, children, death, moves, job loss, health diagnoses, mental health struggles and a world-wide pandemic.
Renata:
Well, I guess I was there from the beginning. After a bit of moving around with the military on my father’s assignments, I found myself landed squarely in Suburban Tulsa, Oklahoma at the age of 12. Military life had afforded me numerous years of learning how to make friends, relate, and invest in others – but let’s be honest, I was 12. The military was its own family, everyone is away from their natural families so consequential community just seems to occur on a gated base. Oklahoma, though, was different. People already had their communities. Sure, they were plenty friendly – more so than I had ever encountered from strangers – but they had their people, their ‘inner circles’ were locked down. They didn’t need any outsiders. I suppose that is a natural consequence to staying put. Luckily though, outsiders tend to find each other and in 1998 at the age of 14, a pretty little sophomore named Heather moved to town and into my youth group.
Heather:
I walked into that church on a hot August day to a new youth group feeling scared, lonely and wondering if anyone would talk to me. It was my first time in the youth group after moving to a new town. I stood beside Renata during the praise and worship time and heard Renata sing. I turned to Renata and said, “you have a really good voice”. Renata replied, “We are going to be good friends.” And we were. We continued to be friends throughout high school while walking through the years of teenage drama side by side. We eventually became roommates after graduating high school. We were in each other’s weddings and even lived in apartments down the hall from one another during the first year of each of our marriages.
Renata:
When my husband and I married, we joined his childhood church. It was a sweet small church filled with many precious people. There was not Sunday school class for our age group because of its size, so we chose to teach elementary classes for the first 2 years of our marriage. There were three of us that taught this class though, and the third was a good friend my husband had grown up with – a sweet kid just barely out of high school (who am I kidding, at 22 I wasn’t too far out of high school myself). He was single for a short while during this time, then he started telling us about a girl in Florida named Sara. I had not even met Sara and I loved her just from how happy she seemed to be making my friend. You could tell, she was his lobster.
Sara C:
I did a little moving around through my childhood. I was born in Arizona, moved to Oklahoma when I was 4 and then at 14, I moved to Florida. As an only child and bit of an introvert, the moves were tough on me. I would typically need some time to create new friendships after each move, and I am the type of person that prefers one or two really close friends over a huge friend group. At the age of 19, I was trying to figure out what in the world adult life was supposed to be like. My long-term high school boyfriend had cheated on me, I was lost at school feeling like I really didn’t know what to major in, and I was living in a place that never truly felt like home. I made the decision that I was going to move back to Oklahoma and have a fresh start. It didn’t hurt that there was a real cute Oklahoma boy sending me some pretty sweet Facebook messages at the time. So, at the age of 19, I moved back to Oklahoma and started fresh. That cute Oklahoma boy quickly became my fiancé and my (now) husband. He took me to his church and there I met Renata. Her new husband was a childhood friend of my husband’s. Renata was so nice and welcoming. She had great style and super cute hair. She tried really hard to make me feel welcome in their church and made me feel like I was in the right place.
Renata:
What Sara C. didn’t know was that I was the new girl there too. Joining our husband’s childhood churches came with a lot of history and sometimes expectations that seemed hard to meet. Early on after meeting Sara C, despite intentional effort to the contrary, God led my husband and I away from his childhood church and to the same church that Heather and her husband had been attending for a few years at this point. God blessed us with so many amazing women in that church which was overflowing at this point with young people (something we were sorely missing) and solid women of faith. When we joined, Sarah S. and her now husband had been attending for a short time and were engaged to be married.
Sarah S:
I was born and raised in Indiana and never really had thoughts of leaving Indiana until college, when I met this handsome guy who is now my husband. He had transferred to Tulsa for a job and shortly after my college graduation, I followed him there. This was my first big move away from family and friends. I had (and still have) a wonderful group of friends from college who I had a hard time saying goodbye to after college. My husband will tell you that I did not adjust to Tulsa very well to start with. I cried many times. I missed being able to see my friends and family whenever I wanted. Shortly after moving to Tulsa, he and I decided to visit a church that was close to his apartment. We were welcomed with smiling faces and friendly handshakes. We attended a Valentine’s event at the church and met Heather and her new husband – a lovely couple looking for people their age to hang out with, just as we had been.
Renata:
After we joined this church, we started a small group with some others and really began to put community in a place of intentionality within our lives. Sarah S., Heather, and I started to entwine our lives along with a few others in that particular small group. We hosted get togethers, had game nights, and met for dinners. It wasn’t easy or natural at first, but it seemed like a worthy pursuit. Being from Indiana, Sarah S. was looking to build a group here in Oklahoma and Heather and I tried hard to intentionally let people in – though I’m very sure we could have done better, we knew our history could be overwhelming or distancing for some. After a few months of building this small group, Sarah N. and her new husband visited our church on a Sunday and my husband and I introduced ourselves and invited them out to lunch. We lunched that day with a quiet girl and a not so quiet guy. We must have said something right because they came back and eventually landed in our small group as well. I remember actively trying to recruit them at that lunch to our group, but she’ll have to tell you how pushy we were.
Sarah N:
I’ve never been one to feel the need for a large group of friends, and sometimes thought that I didn’t actually “need” good friends at all. One of those times was not too long after graduating from college, getting married, and moving to a new city. I’m an introvert and perfectly happy just being alone at home, but soon I realized that I was indeed missing that connection that comes with friendship. I think I only really wanted to “make friends” once my husband and I started attending a local church. Several of the younger couples met for small group once a week and I decided that this would be a great chance to get to know some people and maybe form some relationships. I quickly realized that these people had a very close relationship and a history that extended beyond just the small group. Let me say that I NEVER felt excluded from the group, but I did find that I would need to have patience and perseverance if I wanted to really become one of them. It sometimes took convincing my husband to stay longer just to chat, but after some months I really started to feel a connection to the ladies (and my husband became great friends with their husbands).
Renata:
After some time at our new church, our old friend and his bride Sara C. came to join us, and into the not-so-small group they were welcomed. Many people came and went in that group, some moved away, some moved on, but the five of us began to take on closer friendships.
Sarah S:
This is where we really got to know each other, walked through difficult times together, shared in each other’s joys and struggles and really formed this tight-knit friendship bond. This is where I met Sarah N – who quickly became my family’s photographer and Sara C – who made the best chai cupcakes for my baby shower. I tell people that Tulsa is where my life started. Actually, I talk about my time in Tulsa so much that most people think I am from there. I got married, had my daughters, and found my squad while living there. I learned how much friends can become family in Tulsa. I cried when I left. My family moved to the Cincinnati area in 2013 and I had to leave my squad behind. Again, the transition away from my friends was difficult. But this transition was heart wrenching – leaving behind those that, at that time, were more important to me than family. Walking through life and doing life together creates a bond that others have a hard time understanding and replicating. Being there for each other binds hearts together in a way that cannot be explained. These women have been my cheerleaders, shoulders to cry on, adventure-seekers, travel buddies, truth-speakers, reasons food was on my family’s table, shopping buddies, the best and worst influences and the people that I know will be there – no matter what.
Sarah N:
Now these women are the closest friends I have ever had (and I’ve been blessed with REALLY great friends in each stage of my life). We have gone through so much together (insert all the cliches here: the ups and downs; the good, the bad, and the ugly; the best of times and the worst of times), but those are stories for other posts…
Sara C:
The rest is history. We attended the same small group, were in the same Sunday school class, put on more baby showers than I can count, went on trips, we grew up together. We went through some really high highs and some really low lows and never left each other’s side through it all. I hope we can impart some of the things learned along the way to you, dear reader.
Heather:
As with all friendship, they take time and nurturing to grow. Friendship is not really about the moments of fun and silliness. Friendship is defined by the low moments, the sad moments, the moments of darkness where your friends shine light into your life. Since then, we have grown together and allowed our lives to mesh. Some friends came and went but the five of us were always together. Over our many years together we have had people ask us time and time again if we realize how rare our friendship is. This was why we want to do this blog. We want to help others find their squads! Not just find their squad, but make meaningful relationships that stand the test of time. Meet the Scissortail Squad.
