Proof of Life
I had a friend tell me the other day that she is experiencing pandemic fatigue and I don’t know if I have ever related to something so much in my life. I thought that is exactly how to describe my feelings lately.
I imagine you can all insert what you are trying to balance right now – work, school, virtual school, no bussing, no teachers, co-workers out sick, being sick, kids being sick, canceled plans (yet, again), long waits for grocery pick up (with a dozen substitutions), the list goes on and on.
All of this adds to the normal stressors of everyday life and before I know it, I feel the tension in my back and shoulders, I notice that I can’t seem to slow my thoughts, I am complaining and spilling my frustrations out to my co-workers/friends/husband. I am tired. I am exhausted. I have little motivation. And I have no energy for the things that usually bring me joy.
It’s like the song from Encanto: “It’s pressure like a drip, drip, drip, drip, that’ll never stop. Pressure that’ll tip, tip, tip, ‘til you just go pop.” (FYI: if you haven’t watched Encanto yet, you are really missing out on one of the best Disney movies in a long time).
What do you do when the pressure keeps building? When something else doesn’t go as planned? When you just wanted Cool Ranch Doritos and they are out? When you are overwhelmed? When you are too tired to try? Do you have a friend that you can check in with when all this gets to be too much? When you just need to vent? Do you have someone that can tell when you are stressed out beyond your breaking point and can help you take a deep breath and realign your thoughts.
Friendships where you can be open and honest are unique, but having a friend or friends that know your stressors or triggers and can see when you are exhausted and done (even when you say “I’m fine) is rare and worth fighting for. Friends that will reach out when they haven’t heard from you in a while, when they can see the stress on your face or hear the defeat in your voice – those are the types of friends to hold onto.
If you want to foster deep friendships and have a tight bond that can withstand hardships, you have to first be yourself. You have to be willing to let others see you when you aren’t at your best. You have to allow yourself to open up and let the good, bad and ugly out. When you do, you allow yourself to be loved for who you are and not the best instagram filter of yourself.
I think it was Renata who said it first, but we’ve all adopted the phrase “proof of life.” As I open my marco polo video and hear: “Here’s my proof of life,” it’s kind of becoming an alarm for me that maybe she’s struggling right now and needs some encouragement and support. It’s the cry that “I’m okay, I’m just busy right now.” or “I’m here, I’m surviving. I just haven’t had time or energy to respond.” While this has kind of become a joke in the squad, it’s also a great example of how friendships need to be a safe space to fall. They need to be supportive and uplifting. They need to be raw and real. They need to be fostered and they need proof of life.
