The Journey of Parenthood
By: Heather
In the last couple of weeks my office and personal life have been filled with parents who are hurting and broken hearted over their children. Parenting is the most difficult and most reward job around. No matter what age our children are, we have heartbreak, worry and profound amazement while we watch them develop. There is one sentence that just keeps filling my head as I help parents and as I parent my own children and that is:
Parenting is a journey, and that journey is not defined by one moment in time or one seemingly unbeatable behavior.
Read that sentence again! Speak it over your life and apply it to your parenting. No matter what you are going through right now in your parenting journey…it will be ok. Parenting consists of lots of little moment and actions that guide and train our children how to live. One moment, one mistake, one misstep will not change their destiny. One bad parenting moment, one bad parenting mistake and one parenting misstep will also not change their destiny. That should encourage you! Every moment with our children is an opportunity to teach and to train. There will be ups and downs but keep going, praying and enjoying the journey.
Our job as parents is to help our children grow in maturity – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This takes years of hard work and dedication to accomplish, and it’s never really completed, even after your children are grown.
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!
The Early Years
Will they ever be potty trained? When will they stop asking me so many questions? I cannot take them into public because they run away or throw fits. In this stage, we find ourselves struggling to keep them alive, fed and properly socialized. We lose ourselves and forget our friends. We often feel like they will never be independent, and we beat ourselves up.
But then….
There are days that they pee in the potty, or they buckle themselves into their car seats or they take their first steps, and we marvel at them. Our pride beams and our heart sing! And then we think…. this made everything worth it.
The Middle Years
Why won’t they wear the clothes I want them to? Why do they always ask why? What makes them think they can question my authority? So many activities…I’m a chauffeur, a referee! Where did my baby go? During these years we spend our time teaching them about life, puberty, sex, friendships, respect, healthy decision making, and we feel like we can barely keep up with it all.
But then…
The day comes when they come home with a school project they worked hard on and are proud of and you get to watch their hard work pay off. Or you get a call from the school that they stood up for another student who was being bullied and they are now getting an award. Or they ask your advice! And then we think…. this made everything worth it.
The Teenage Years
Why do they even like this music? I used to think they would never learn to talk and now I wish they could control their mouth. I wish they would listen. We struggle with driving, curfew, prom, dating, drugs, porn…this world is a disaster…will they ever turn out ok?
But then…
The day comes when you hear them quoting you to their friends and you quietly think, “they listened!” Or they do something around the house without being asked. Or they send you a text telling you they love you accompanied by a hilarious Gif. Or another parent sends you a text about how they saw your kid making the right decision even when no one was looking. And then we think…. this made everything worth it.
The Adult Years
Will they mess up their lives by making the wrong decision? Will they pick the right spouse? Will they move away and leave me? Did I teach them everything I know? Will they make a better life than I did?
But then…
The day comes where they make an adult decision, and everything turns out fine. You watch them blossom and see that they truly listened to you and took to heart the things you told them. Sure, they make mistakes and forge their own paths, but they know you are there if they need you. You get to watch them develop and make plans for the future. And then you think…. this made everything worth it.
Once our children reach adulthood, our job is not done. We get a new role! We move from being in charge, being the gatekeeping, the ride giver, the hammer dropper and the guide to more of an influencer. We get to become a friend and hopefully a big influencer in our adult children’s lives. We must have healthy boundaries and allow them to make decisions on their own. We learn to ask them if they want our advice and learn to back off if they do not. We are a soft-landing spot for them if they ever need us. Our role is still very important.
I write this today because I feel like we all need a little encouragement. No matter where you are in your parenting journey, don’t miss the moments that make it all worth it. This is a journey and a road you travel together with your child. There will be mistakes and hurt feelings but keep going, keep working together. Surround yourself with people who will encourage you and build you up and give you healthy words of advice.
YOU are the perfect parent for YOUR child. God gave YOU that child because he knew YOU could handle all the ups and downs regarding that child. He is not surprised when they mess up or make mistakes and he has equipped YOU to handle it. Good luck!! Feel encouraged! You are doing a great job!
