By, Sarah N.
“A friend loves at all times”.
This embroidered pillow worthy sentiment is a beautiful one. It is found in Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” The book of Proverbs in the Old Testament of the Bible is a book of moral and ethical instructions; a “how to” on living a wise and godly life.
To many of us, a loving friendship means always validating and supporting each other, celebrating good qualities while overlooking the not so good ones. Friends shouldn’t judge each other. Real friends always want each other to feel happy and good about themselves. Real friends love each other for who they are.
We all like to feel good about ourselves. Who doesn’t want to be around people who constantly lift them up and celebrate everything about them?
So if this is who we are surrounding ourselves with, why do so many of our friendships feel shallow and unfulfilling? How can we be around all this love, but still feel lonely? How can that “love” not be enough?
Let’s take a closer look at that verse…
Who exactly is “a friend”?
When we read “friend” we can also read “neighbor,” like in Matthew 22:39, where Jesus says one of the greatest commandments is to “love your neighbor as yourself,” second only to loving the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind. A neighbor can be our close friend, an acquaintance, or even a stranger with whom we come into contact. We also can infer that to have a friend, you are a friend, and to have a neighbor, you must also be a neighbor. So we can see that these scriptures apply to both ourselves, and our neighbor-friend.
“A friend loves…”
This is where things can start to get muddy. How are we to define love? The world tells us that to love someone means to accept them as they are and celebrate everything that makes them “them.” But if we are Christians in a godly, God-seeking relationship, our definition of love must come from Scripture.
The Hebrew “love” in this verse is “ahab” and denotes a love relationship like what is found between parents and a child (Genesis 22:2), slave and master (Deuteronomy 15:16), the Lord and man (Deuteronomy 7:8-9), and man and the Lord (Psalm 116:1). In John 14:15 Jesus says, “If you love me, you will obey my commandments.” Then in Luke 17:3, He says, “…if your brother sins, rebuke him…” That sounds like a pretty clear command to me.
Sometimes love can and should look like a rebuke. Paul tells the Galatians, “If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:1-2). James says to “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” (James 5:16-17) Paul, again, says to “encourage one another and build one another up.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
Loving, biblical friendships must include accountability. How can we say we love our friends, if we cannot bring ourselves to gently confront them with their shortfallings? And if we love our friends, how could we pridefully ignore their concern for our own character?
“A friend loves at all times…”
At all times means all the time. And if we are loving at all times, we must be loving in all places and amid all circumstances. A friend loves whether they are at home, at church, or at work. A friend loves even when they are in a hurry, busy, or having a bad day.
“A brother is born for adversity.”
The rest of Proverbs 17:17 says that “a brother is born for adversity.” A brother doesn’t necessarily have to be a blood relative. If we are in Godly, biblical friendships, our friends are our brothers and sisters in Christ. We are there for our friends in their times of trouble, even when we don’t feel like being there. “Being there” could look like bringing over a meal when they’re sick, inviting them out for coffee when they are lonely, or babysitting their kids when they are overwhelmed with life. Sometimes it looks like gently confronting them when we notice a behavior that could be harmful to their spiritual, mental, emotional, or physical health.
“Love one another”
To be able to rightly confront a friend about a negative behavior, we must make sure that we are coming from a place of love. Jesus said, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”(John 15:12) Jesus loved by serving and by sacrificing. He went on to say in verse 13, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” Jesus literally laid down his life so that we would turn away from sin and find security in him. We can also lay down our lives for our friends, but that may look like giving up a weekend to help them move. Or it could look like laying aside our fear and having a tough conversation. (It could also look like swallowing our pride and listening to our friend when they approach us with that conversation.)
Yes, we should love our friends for who they are, but we should love them too much to let them stay that way. True friends desire to make each other better; to make each other more like Jesus. How valuable is it to know that your friends care so much about you that they would risk that bond to make you better? How fulfilling is the mutual encouragement that exists within a Godly relationship? This is the kind of self- sacrificing love that builds a strong friendship.
